The world outside


My eyes are burning. They are tired. I am tired.
Last year I had more energy for sure. Fear and anxiety. They don´t rule my life every day. Sometimes. And sadness. It´s always been a part of my life. Left behind, forgotten.
Burned into your soul. It´s hard to explain to the ‘world outside’.
It´s the little things that cheer you up or bring you down.
You´re not important enough you know.
Empathy is a great gift but also a curse.
I can´t even go and see the shelter cats because I identify myself too much with them.
It hurts. I see myself there. I recognized that today while talking to my shrink, pretending I am good.
I need to protect myself sometimes from the world outside. This world is like a sponge
that sucks out all your energy, your love and your passion.
You really love to give all of that but it often leaves you feeling numb, misunderstood and empty. You´re craving the most obvious and natural things but they seem so far away some days.
How must those shelter animals feel? I think I know how and yes it hurts.
Man, you sound like a cunt drowning in self pity or just like a child that always just wanted to feel loved and being worth the precious time of beings you admire and love.
Love love love. Blah.
After getting sick I´m craving more than ever for a peaceful time, fun, love and oneness.
The feeling of missing out makes you imprison yourself more and more.
It´s like you´re losing track.
But yeah, I know I do some days but never completely because I know great times await.
The world outside can kiss my arse for now.


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